Dear Future Love……
Dear Future Love,
I just bawled my eyes out for about 15 minutes.
I felt this tremendous pain in my heart that I’m not sure I can express with words.
It felt like a sting of betrayal. I’m mad at you!
I just got home from a date, and I was so pained by how it played out. All I kept saying to myself was,“there’s no way finding you can be this hard.”
I sat there for a little over an hour watching this fake version of you occupy my time.
The location was great – a jazz bar – and soft music already had my heartstrings playing the right chords to whatever his lyrics were to be.
I listened to him go on and on about himself, and when I was fortunate enough to catch him sip his drink, I could perhaps throw in a sentence about myself – to his disapproval of course!
“An African woman shouldn’t…” he said between sips.
He clicked his tongue at me when I spoke, and dear future love, I didn’t even scratch the surface with this brother on my intellectual worth – not like he cared anyways!
The voices are replaying in my head – “You don’t put yourself out there” or “You don’t go out enough!”
Let’s explore my advised options:
Strike that out cus it’s not my thing, and I feel it’s deceitful! You can’t meet someone at the club then claim you don’t want to go clubbing thereafter!
Unless- *sprinkles glitter* and adds a dash of fairy tale, he also doesn’t want to be there and he’s only there because…his friends said he should get out more!
Pass – meeting someone to a timer on a table like its blitz chess just doesn’t feel right to me.
Sigh – I’m not judging, but I think I’m beginning to sound ridiculous, very picky or like I want to die alone with 90 cats.
You’re probably wondering why that wasn’t my first option, but have you been to church lately? The stats are ridiculous!
For every nine single girls, there’s one ‘manageable’ guy. And then when there’s a really good guy in the mix, it’s like celebrity death match!
So I grabbed my purse and I excused myself.
As I pulled on my scarf and hailed a cab, I began to think about you.
Where are you?
Are you in school, touring the world to tell me about all your adventures, or just in a different country?
WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD BROTHERS?
And then, as if struck by lightning, I stopped dead in my steps and realized you might be doing exactly what I’m doing.
You might be punching a fist up at God, misty eyed, and leaving another disappointing date, wondering where I am and what I’m doing?
BeingBola discovery: As much as being single sucks sometimes, I have come to realize that just as I desire companionship and love, and the bells and whistles, somewhere out there, the yin to my yang is also pining for the same thing – it’s only a matter of time!