“For those who have considered Suicide / when the rainbow is Enuf”


I LOVED YOU ON PURPOSE,I WAS OPEN ON PURPOSE!

I still crave vulnerability & close talk

& I’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry!

you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna

just dont give it to me!

I cant use another sorry

next time

you should admit

you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out

steada bein sorry alla the time

 

My all time favorite monologue is from the book “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow Is Enuf”.

For a very long time in my life, I allowed myself to be door matted, in the spirit of being forgiving, nice, or tolerant.

When I first read this poem, and later watched Janet Jackson bring it to life in the film, I cried.

Why did people have the right, to hurt me and then with one word assume they can mosey on back into my life?

It confuses me how folks can be completely selfish and act out on their self desires and with a sweep of the sorry wand, feel entitled to everything being okay again.

While drafting this post, I was having a conversation with my friend, and he teased “Bola, just say you’re difficult to apologize to!”

I don’t quite agree.

I know how I want to be apologized to and any less, just seems insulting, especially to people who know me.

I don’t accept, ‘I’m sorry’.

I like to know what you’re sorry for, why you’re sorry, and how you plan to never repeat the same mistakes again.

2016, I was shoved into a corner and forced to make some very tough decisions, regarding my life and my relationships. I was the lady in red, choked with apologies and guilt tripped when I demanded better.

This year, Beingbola is releasing five monologues for those who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enough.

These monologues are our stories, our truths that we refuse to sweep under carpets.

Love and Light!

Viewing parties for Episode One of the Monologues in Calgary on Feb 18th, RSVP here (calgary only); in Detroit on Feb 17th and Windsor TBA.

Online viewing parties to be announced shortly.

Sorry,as narrated by Janet Jackson

 

“Sorry” as written by Ntozake Shange

“One thing I don’t need

is any more apologies

I got sorry greetin me at my front door

you can keep yours.

I don’t know what to do wit em

they don’t open doors

or bring the sun back.

They dont make me happy

or get a mornin paper

didn’t nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars.

Cuz a sorry

I am simply tired

of collectin

I didn’t know

I was so important to you

I’m gonna haveta throw some away

I can’t get to the clothes in my closet

for alla the sorries.

I’m gonna tack a sign to my door

leave a message by the phone

‘if you called

to say your sorry

call somebody

else!

I don’t use em anymore’

I let sorry/ didn’t meanta/ & how could I know about that?

Take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn!

I’m gonna do exactly what I want to

& I won’t be sorry for none of it!

Letta sorry soothe your soul/ I’m gonna soothe mine!

You were always inconsistent

doin somethin & then bein sorry

beatin my heart to death!

Talkin bout you sorry well,

I will not call,

I’m not goin to be nice,

I will raise my voice,

& scream & holler

& break things & race the engine

& tell all your secrets bout yourself to your face

& I will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers

& their ways I will play oliver lake loud!

& I  wont be sorry for none of it

I LOVED YOU ON PURPOSE,I WAS OPEN ON PURPOSE!

I still crave vulnerability & close talk

& I’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry!

you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna

just dont give it to me!

I cant use another sorry

next time

you should admit

you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out

steada bein sorry alla the time

enjoy bein YOURSELF”

You may also like

1 Comment

  • Mr Man
    February 1, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    I don’t accept, ‘I’m sorry’. I like to know what you’re sorry for, why you’re sorry, and how you plan to never repeat the same mistakes again.

    I hear that. My sentiments exactly.

    Good read. No BS. Thanks for sharing.

Comments are closed here.